update... sort of procrastinating, but I can right now

So... I survived the weekend. The exam on Saturday went well, just kind of hung out that night - had a really cool picnic out on the Union bleachers with a group of friends (what started as a group of 3 became a group of 16! Very cool) and then walked and talked with a good friend.

Sunday... people were impressed with my paper-writing skills. In 4 hours, I wrote 8 pages of a 9-10 page paper (1pm-5pm). Then I came back around midnight, after a soaking wet choir picnic and FOCUS worship service, to finish up. Ended up writing 5 more pages and going to bed around 3:30am. For someone who doesn't do that very often (or... ever), I was impressed with my lucidness and upbeat air this morning. FOCUS, wow there was an amazing service. The last one of the year, and we both rocked the place out and drew everybody into the experience at the same time. Very emotional, very charged, very musical, very uplifting.

Today, the paper is turned in, the exam for tomorrow is not difficult, and I need a nap. However, I felt that I needed to kind of vent and keep people informed (not that I know anybody who consistently reads this, but you know what I mean).

Yesterday was also full of random compliments and good tidings. One friend turned to me and said, "In case you didn't know, Al, you make people's days brighter just by being around." Another: "Wow, I almost didn't even recognize you, you've melted away so much." And the best one of all, being needed: a friend with a really tough, rough day (or week or so, really) walks in, says "Al, c'mere." And then proceeds to hug me for a good minute solid. Can I just say, awesomeness?? First of all, hugs are wonderful anytime, but having the opportunity to be there for someone, instead of being the one who needs a person to cling to... I was trusted and loved enough to be the one they turned to, and really, what more in life can a person ask for then someone to turn to and a person who turns to them?

Again with the procrastination...

I must say that my lack of computer knowledge and web-sites leaves me rather in the lurch with this thing, but I've figured it out enough to be content with it for now. Maybe later I'll learn how to be more creative. :) If someone would like to offer my assistance that would be just plain spiffy!
So I missed breakfast this morning... dang it all, thought the caf was open until 9:15. You'd think I'd know better by now, having gone here for three years and everything. So now I'm procrastinating again instead of studying for my final at 10:15. Though I must say, now that I've acknowledged my procrastinatory, inefficient ways this morning, the panic of having a final in less than an hour is sinking in. Wish me luck.

My first "real" post. Yay.

So... it's after 10pm on a Friday night. I have an exam tomorrow at 10:15, a vocal jury at 3:54pm and a 9-10 page paper that I haven't looked at yet due on Monday. And yet, have I done anything constructive? No, I'm sitting here in front of the computer and wasting more time. Why? Because I'm not motivated and maybe if I pretend like I don't have homework, the school year won't end, and my friends won't graduate... that's the kicker, isn't it? I've always been really crappy at good-byes, and this one seems especially bitter-sweet. Mostly the bitter part. How do you say good-bye... ok so it's really more of a see-you-later... to someone you've known only a brief time but yet has impacted everything you believe about yourself so greatly? It's not abandonment... I know this person would never intentionally abandon me. Our lives coincided for the briefest of joyous, overwhelming, life-turning moments and now they're diverging along the curvaceous paths set before us. Perhaps they will merge together along the way, hopefully frequently, and hopefully for more than just a day at a time to catch up with each other's lives. How do you tell someone how much you love them when there aren't enough words or expressions or media in the world to do so? And I'm not talking head-over-heels romantic love, this is deep, connected friendship, the kind that makes you realize how little of this insane life you actually deserve, just how deep the currents of grace, forgiveness, and love can truly run... and how, for once in your life, you glimpse the potential of who you are and how much love you have to give the world in return. God's directly working in the world - this is what I know. This person, this amazing friend who I absolutely don't deserve and never can return the favor to, is a representation of who God calls us to be, of how we're supposed to act in the world, more than anyone I've had the privilege of knowing.

And this is why I'm procrastinating. All I want to do is spend more time getting to know this person, to learn how to approach and love the world in the same way... and I've got just a handful of days before the wedge of continuing life drives us apart. Suck... and stuff.

Now that I've disheartened myself... time to study!! Yay!

Explanation... or something.

I'm entering the world of the blogspot.... craziness. I have, in the past, sucked at journals. I try them for a couple of weeks, or a month, and then I forget about them. They get tucked in a drawer or something until months later I recall what I was attempting to do and by then it seems to worthless to start up again. However, I have determined since I spend so much [wasted] time on the internet, anticipating those emails that never really come, that maybe this would give me the outlet to vent and share that I've been looking for. Deuce... this one's for you. You've inspired me to return to my writing-ness for writing's sake roots. :) There's a mass of tangled thoughts that fly through my head that could benefit from this type of outlet. Maybe it will keep me more sane. Then again, maybe not. I don't promise anything profound... but occasionally I hope something will be!