the Last Week of March pt 2

I decided to become a runner.

No, seriously. I decided to become a runner. From where the insistent urge arises, I'm not entirely sure. On Wednesday, I debated between going to the last Lenten service or going shopping for shoes and pants to run in. I went to Lenten service. But Thursday I got fitted for running shoes at Running Wild in Coralville, bought some awesome capri running pants and a really good sports bra. Dropped a pretty penny, but if I use them like I think I will, it's still considerably cheaper than a gym.

I hadn't planned to, but I was so excited after my purchases that I came home and promptly went for a rather "exploratory" "run" based on a few walk/run programs I found online, like Couch to 5k and Women's Health and Runner's World. It was surprisingly promising.

In other complete randomness - had a dream about meeting a super tall handsome Swedish guy with whom there was definite mutual attraction. People around us were impressed by how quickly we seemed nearly connected at the hip that day. It was quite pleasant, and the dream is still very vivid in my head, a few days later. Why a Swede? I dunno. That's just who he was in my dream! A premonition? Considering we were also both Olympic athletes (another symptom of my lofty running goals, I assume), I highly doubt it. LOL. But God, feel free to drop a sensitive, sweet, handsome, unusually tall guy who thinks I'm awesome into my life. Now. [pauses, waits, watches door]. Now? Phooey. Okay, fine! Be that way! lol. :D

Last Full Week of March, pt 1

The windshield of my car was frosty this morning. It's been a couple of weeks since I'd had to worry about that, since this is my month sans garage. Hard to believe it's the last full week of March already! Only two weeks until Easter.

It was cooler yesterday than I think it was. After church I decided the day was so gorgeous I needed to get OUT. So I journeyed a short distance to Lake MacBride State Park and spent a few hours striding along the lake, occasionally taking pics of the Canada geese lazing just off shore. According to my iPod's pedometer, I did just under 10,000 steps (9,786) but I didn't turn it on until shortly onto the long trail, so it doesn't include my stroll on the beach, the wandering to the trail head for a map, or my jaunt along the nature trail loop. I easily did six miles total. And boy, are the backs of my knees telling me about it today. :) Totally worth it though. Gorgeous place, even with all the bare trees and still-dormant undergrowth.

As I strode along, I thought perhaps this place would be good to do a blog about, like a separate journal about the changes over the course of different visits, as I did about Melanaphy Springs for my environmental writing class in college. I did buy two journals at Barnes & Noble last I was there -- maybe a jaunt and then a journaling session? Possibly. As the light waxes longer into the evening, going up there after work for a couple of hours isn't out of the question.

A couple of other thoughts struck me as well. For the first time in ages and ages, I rather wanted a bike. The path was wide well-packed gravel, was five miles long one way and I thought "oooo, a bike would be cool." But I haven't been on a bike in years. Mom said I could have hers though, if I wanted one. Hmmm... ideas. Also I noted that I need to clean and condition and probably Nik wax my boots. I should do that soon if I want to get on a walking kick. Man, I love those boots! Thank you, REI!

I've been pondering walking to and from work on nice days too. It's a little better than three miles total, I think. Which on it's own doesn't daunt me. But I am most hesitant about the last mile or so - the last major intersection near work is not too pedestrian friendly. I'm not even sure there are crosswalks. And the last long stretch to work after that is almost entirely empty of sidewalks. Hmmm. But hey, I'd be walking six miles a day! Sure beats paying to join a gym. Of course, on wacky wet and weird weather days, I'd still drive. lol.

Bloggity bloggity blog

The cofffee is finally kicking in -- and I'm procrastinating work. Shhhh! Don't tell. :)

First in my head is the need to do some theological reading. I've been pondering the Trinity, thanks to RoboPreacher. More specifically, Trinity as event -- and the more I ponder it, the more I'm not sure I like it. Though there's nothing to say Trinity can't be event and something else. But I feel I need to read some Moltmann to get a better sense of things.

But I get ahead of myself. I need to finish reading Jim Martin-Schramm's new book first. I kind of stalled out in the final push to get grad school applications finished and it's been sitting half-finished on my coffee table for a couple of weeks.

My new congregation is/was doing a small group on the book The Shack, which apparently is one of the new books all the rage in Christian circles. I'm a skeptic based on that premise alone, but since I like the church, looked into it a little bit. And the more reviews I read about it, good and bad, the more I feel I really do not want to read it. Sounds rather dark and twisty and less than helpful, in my opinion.

Since I'm talking about my church I do have one gripe/concern/issue/annoyance (?) with it. In fact so much so I went and bought a new NRSV because I couldn't find my trusty hardcover, leather camp-covered friend. NRSVs are not exactly easy to find, and are certainly a minority translation on the shelves, which is a concern to me, but I digress.

The congregation uses "The Message" as their biblical text for the readings on Sunday morning. Surprisingly enough, I was encouraged when I found this quote by Eugene H. Peterson, the guy who created it:

When I'm in a congregation where somebody uses it [The Message] in the Scripture reading, it makes me a little uneasy. I would never recommend it be used as saying, "Hear the Word of God from The Message." But it surprises me how many do.

Hmmmmm, interesting! Good to know that I'm not the only that finds hearing God's Word with phrases like "and why do you spend your hard-earned money on cotton candy?" and "They threw a party and then they danced" as a bit jarring in the context of a worship service.

Relatedly, I almost bought The Message when I bought my bible, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I figured, if I am going to be unsettled by something, I should at least read the thing, but couldn't bring myself to spend the money on it. In a discispleship meeting at church a few days later, we were discussing Luther and how he translated the Bible into the common German vernacular, effectively creating a common German dialect in the process. And I was struck with a the thought that if this is the tradition from which I emerge, why am I so irritated by those who seek to "translate" the Bible similarly? I guess partially because I feel there is a difference between a translation and an interpretation, but then every translation is essentially an interpretation, even my trusty NRSV and I suddenly find myself at a bit of a loss. There is certainly space for other tools and references with which to make the Bible accessible to people. I guess my hang up is that I cringe when people use such tools as their only interface with the Bible.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for now. Maybe more later... or tomorrow... or sometime. Back to work! (That imperative is for me, not for you.) :)

Cheers!

a Lenten journey

First, the search is over. I've chosen a church!
Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in North Liberty, Iowa. I went two weeks ago because they were doing a soup supper and Holden Evening Prayer. I enjoyed the experience so much, I went back on Sunday. During the passing of the peace, the pastor remembered my name! I went to both services last week as well. I shocked a couple of friends by my rapid immersion in returning to church; I'm even a cantor for next Sunday's service! bounces

Full disclosure: I've never taken much stock in Lent. Which, on the one hand, is to say I actually knew very little about it, really, until seminary. But the learning came with a price; the almost constant belittling and demeaning and patronizing I received from peers about my lack of knowing in the first place. sigh

But it's true, I've never really been immersed in church enough to feel connected to the rhythms and the seasons, the ebb and flow of the church year. Even now I could not cite to you the entire pattern. And even within them I am not always convinced of their usefulness. Chalk it up to another fault of my stubborn German heritage: who are you to tell me how to worship, what my concerns, prayers, and mindset must focus around? Does this not somehow speak of a generic one-size-fits-all ministry? It's what pushed me from Christianity in college, this sense of the convenience of Christianity -- and as I write that sentence I'm filled with an urge to go read some Bonhoeffer.

I wrote another email yesterday -- to someone to whom I can never apologize enough. A person whose pastoral care to and for me is the most poignant I've ever experienced. I realized after I wrote the email that his office was the only space in which I felt safe. But I effed it up and breached his trust. And today I am reeling in the wake of that guilt.

I also spent lunch yesterday expounding on my seminary experience to my new pastor. The wounds are just stories now. I remember when I review the scars, but I do not live in their pain. Which is mostly true. I can tell the stories now, without the anger, the bitterness, the grief. Though they remain heavy to carry. Last night I lay in bed, not sleeping, for a long time, thinking of my relationship failings and mistakes during that period of my life. The quiet tears rolled down my face as I grieved not only the loss of friends I had but drove away but also those whose friendships never emerged because of my neediness and brokenness.

And the more I composed the email, I went through at first thinking it was ironic that my current trans formative process is happening in Lent, to thinking it wasn't ironic but an odd coincidence, to being slapped in the face that it's purposeful. If I am going to be introspective, reaching out and drawing in my crowd of witnesses while grieving the broken self that held me back, impeded and even destroyed friendships, than what other place should that occur than Lent? I am repenting. But my sorrow is that it is apparently too little too late for some so dear to me.

Can this girl get a hug??