Monday, October 22nd

Today I sit sipping my Highlander Grogg coffee with white chocolate caramel latte creamer - which is, btw, deliciously amazing - and feeling the aftershocks of a long, entertaining, and scattered weekend. I spent Friday night and most of Saturday in Iowa City, visiting a friend and just enjoying the time away.  I got a much overdue hair cut, whose favoribility I am still assessing, and spent a mildly productive time perusing the Goodwill.

Saturday night, I traveled east to Clinton, Iowa for an Hawkeyes game tailgate gathering.  The event illuminated a few things, including the recurring lowered-inhibition emotionally insecure funk I can get into when drinking too much and the distinct reawakening of my cravings to end being single, in some form or fashion.  There is more depth to these ponderings than time, space, and discretion allow for here.

Saturday night's activities, coupled with not enough sleep and over-indulgence of food and beverages sky-rocketed my blood sugar. I am still frustratingly trying to bring it back under control.  I wonder if a hormonal aspect - read: PMS - is involved as well, but it seems a bit early for that.  In any case, the stress of finding out what I can and cannot do, the trial and error of insulin coverage and correction continues. Today I travel back to Dubuque to meet with an endocrinologist for the first time. I am one part hopeful for new answers, reassurance, and an overall better handle on what is happening.  I am one part apprehensive of the unknown and a total lack of knowing what to anticipate.  I don't even have a clue how long the appointment could or should last. The closer to the time of the appointment, the more anxious I seem to be. My blood pressure will surely reflect white-coat syndrome this afternoon! The fact that my blood glucose hasn't budged from the 200 mark or higher since 3:30pm on Saturday isn't helping.  Right now I am waiting for two hours since my last dose of fast-acting insulin to pass before eating lunch.  I am hungry, but anxious about eating anything, since the dosages don't seem to be corresponding like they should.