My first "real" post. Yay.

So... it's after 10pm on a Friday night. I have an exam tomorrow at 10:15, a vocal jury at 3:54pm and a 9-10 page paper that I haven't looked at yet due on Monday. And yet, have I done anything constructive? No, I'm sitting here in front of the computer and wasting more time. Why? Because I'm not motivated and maybe if I pretend like I don't have homework, the school year won't end, and my friends won't graduate... that's the kicker, isn't it? I've always been really crappy at good-byes, and this one seems especially bitter-sweet. Mostly the bitter part. How do you say good-bye... ok so it's really more of a see-you-later... to someone you've known only a brief time but yet has impacted everything you believe about yourself so greatly? It's not abandonment... I know this person would never intentionally abandon me. Our lives coincided for the briefest of joyous, overwhelming, life-turning moments and now they're diverging along the curvaceous paths set before us. Perhaps they will merge together along the way, hopefully frequently, and hopefully for more than just a day at a time to catch up with each other's lives. How do you tell someone how much you love them when there aren't enough words or expressions or media in the world to do so? And I'm not talking head-over-heels romantic love, this is deep, connected friendship, the kind that makes you realize how little of this insane life you actually deserve, just how deep the currents of grace, forgiveness, and love can truly run... and how, for once in your life, you glimpse the potential of who you are and how much love you have to give the world in return. God's directly working in the world - this is what I know. This person, this amazing friend who I absolutely don't deserve and never can return the favor to, is a representation of who God calls us to be, of how we're supposed to act in the world, more than anyone I've had the privilege of knowing.

And this is why I'm procrastinating. All I want to do is spend more time getting to know this person, to learn how to approach and love the world in the same way... and I've got just a handful of days before the wedge of continuing life drives us apart. Suck... and stuff.

Now that I've disheartened myself... time to study!! Yay!