Jars of Clay on shuffle

Broken stained-glass windows/ the fragments ramble on / a tale of broken souls / an eternity's been won / as critics scorn the thoughts and works of mortal man / my eyes are drawn to you in awe once again
Here I am again! Months (and months) after my last post. I think I am resigned to the fact that my blogging only appears when I need it. /shrug/

I got a new toy for Christmas - a 5th generation iPod nano! I spent one Saturday, about three weeks ago, downloading a bunch of cds into my iTunes, and now drag the thing most everywhere.

I am applying to graduate school, too! University of Wisconsin-Green Bay is my goal school. I need to finish my c.v. and my graduate assistantship apps. More work than that, such as my personal statement, is still necessary for Indiana University at Bloomington. Reference letters and transcripts will be en route to each destination shortly. In light of this, I've been writing and letters. Starting with my former CPE supervisor after I stumbled upon a bunch of the material in a desk drawer while looking for something else. Then to each of my recommendation-letter writers - three of my favorite people and professors from Luther. And I've kept going. Another email went to my former boss from Colorado and today another went to a friend from seminary.

I think it's safe to say I'm in a reconnection phase. Ben's death illuminated various aspects of my life, and as discussed with a friend, brought a sense of "calling us home." For me, this is no more clearly noted than in something with my faith and spirituality. Not my theological brain, that's inspired differently. But my iPod now contains a small handful of Christian cds, music I've shied from intentionally for almost four years now, along with most things "church." But this afternoon, Jars of Clay, the original album, is on shuffle. If you've talked with me at all over the past few years, you might realize just how huge that is. Coming back from lunch, "Like a Child" and "Art in Me" struck a chord and I felt like reaching for the phone to call a friend or two -- but at the same time hate to ask them for pastoral care when I haven't caught up with them as friends and people for so long.

I'm distracted at work (which is okay right now, there's hardly anything to do this month now that the clusterf&^# of the computer/billing crash is now over), and easily brought to tears. When I called a friend Saturday and he didn't have time to talk, I got a little melancholy. Things are stirring and I'm not really sure what to do with it.

You can't hear what I'm not saying / And I can hold out long enough / And treading water I'll keep from sinking / 'cuz I'm not one for reaching / You see that I can play a pretty convincing role / So I don't need you, I don't think I need you / But you see my forever lies and you are not believing / And I see in your forever eyes that you are forever healing