Restless mind, Impatient soul

Something shook loose.

For the first time in many a month my brain is churning, eagerly craving an intellectual challenge, seeking to synthesize information and ideas. I'm even pondering writing some sort of research paper -- good lord help us all -- maybe about Bonhoeffer who I know really so little about, or another environmental ethics somethingorother. Which throws into strong relief yet more doubts about the next step in my path. Do I continue to pursue something in Environmental Science and Policy, or will I be disappointed that I can't stretch my theological muscles now that the proverbial ball is rolling?

I want to fast forward through the years, to the point where I am no longer in school but living, working and thriving in academia, a colleague to these brilliant, compassionate, and complex-thinking souls. I miss the discourse of academia, the vibrancy in my spirit, the inspiration in my thoughts...

These people are my muse! I feel lighter than I have in a long time, but still don't know where to turn next. Certainly, a Master of Science would provide a depth of grounding and expertise that a program in environmental ethics or theology alone cannot achieve. Is there some place I can do both? Where I can dabble in not just Christian environmental ethics and theory but also in the science and policy. Or some where I can pursue a Master of Science degree but also take a theology class or two on overload? I get a bit giddy just thinking about it. :P Oooo ooo, or maybe there are online theology courses I can take while... Good grief I think my ambition is finally greater than my ability. Because I'd probably have to work some, of course... maybe be in a graduate assistantship, not to mention the homework of whatever program I'm actually in... Quick, people, somebody hand me an application to the perfect school! lol.

I felt my potential had stalled... but I realize now it's about investing in myself. I'm finally realizing that deep urge to pull all of those unread or sparsely utilized books off my shelves and start diving in, jotting notes and correlations in the margins and on note pads, theorizing paper topics and intersections that sound amusing and intriguing to explore. I feel like driving back home and sitting in front of the overflowing shelves and going -- reread this, read this, ooooo I need to review this again -- and happily burying myself in self-education.

But I cannot get too lost in my eagerness. There are tasks to complete along the way -- finishing an edit of a friend's Masters thesis, studying for the GRE (an intellectual task yet, but when have I ever found studying vocabulary and math fun? There's so much other cool stuff out there to study instead...).

Needless to say, I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate here at work. :P