Another rehash

What causes our heart to yearn for reconciliation? What causes someone so dear to us, so loved by us, to be so hurt that they no longer speak to us? There is the saying that "if someone is stupid enough to walk out of your life, be smart enough to let them go." But that is easier said than done.

I wrote this piece initially under the title "Dreams revealed" because I had a dream in which I was in the same place as this person, and I kept trying to reach him. He acted as if nothing ever happened -- which was aggravating, but at least he'd speak to me about other things. Nothing much, a brief sentence in passing about the present activities and the mundane. The dream was so vivid as to be reality. I felt relieved and overjoyed. And dissolved into tears as the dawning realization of wakefulness broke over me.

I've said my peace, pleaded my case with the rational and honest perspective bestowed by time and healing. About once a year I am stung by an acute longing for this person, enmeshed in the grief of loss, the bewilderment of not understanding, and the residual bitterness of betrayal and silence. Others I have lost, it's true. But never like this. Never without some sort of closure, or the natural growing apart due to space and change and distance. They all hurt, but I can't seem to let this one go.

I know my persistance isn't helping the matter. There must be at least half a dozen Facebook friend requests over the last 3 or 4 years that have been ignored. Yesterday, another rejection. I've taken the hint. I get the point. Yet I continue to search, to pray for the right words to fix it. I refuse to accept that it's really that broken, living in that defiant hope that some day, some way, somehow he'll forgive enough to let bygones be bygones and click "accept."

But all that greets me is silence and the pangs of regret.